Mighty Unsettlin'

It's been a while since I wrote in you, dear diary, and thats for two reasons. One, I've been busy trying to get the shelter restocked ever since _whoever_ came thru and left with all the food. I got some good donations from Downing residents, and Saturday night went over to pick them up. They were small in number, but of high quality - some fresh apples, and some new (not used!) shoes - but less than I'd hoped for. We ain't got no men's clothes, and our women's clothes are runnin' mighty low. Still, food - especially fresh food - is good to have, and I'm assured there will be an ongoing supply from the good people of Downing.

They have lost so much in the past month - most of their main town destroyed, so many dead - yet they have time and heart to care for the needs of those who have for whatever reason ended up in a place with not much food even - well, I jus can't stop thinkin' how in some ways, we are all so much alike. But in other ways, there's no denyin' we're different, and ever time I make a run over there, I am reminded that I am, at the end of the day, a fugitive even if no one is actively huntin' me. I guess they can keep an eye on me easy enough, knowing where I am and all.

This brings me to the second reason I've not written. I've been having some back and forth talks with Mister Neutrino. He's a good man. He really is. I don't care if where I met him he was wearing grey and sportin' a purple belly, he's a good man. He helped me escape that hell they had planned for me, because he's a good man. I think its pretty clear he has some feelings for me in addition to my being his 'job', because when it became not his 'job' any more, he stayed around.

He don't have to follow me all the time anymore, and he doesn't...fact is, I kind of miss it, which means I must have some feelings for him too. I can't remember them as well as people tell me, I don't remember bein' "in love" or any of those things they say I was, but I do know that right now, as I stand here, I am mighty protective of him. Sometimes I feel like the tables has turned and its me watchin' out for him.

Which brings me to Miss SavannahSue Whats-Her-Name. I don't think she's particularly good news for Mister Neutrino. It ain't that I'm jealous, although truth be told I do feel a bit of irritation at the way I keep findin them dancing when I'm not around. And it ain't that she's done anything particularly bad to me. She hasn't. She's even been a right polite guest at the shelter, even though at times I get the idea she thinks shes just a little too good for a place like Blackburne. Nothin' she's said, just an attitude.

Last night I took a break from unloadin crates, and walked over to Nack's place, and when I started to come in, I saw through the window Mister and that girl dancing again - and they was dancing _real close_. I seen him push her away, which I must confess I laughed out loud, but they kept on dancin' for a long time. Finally I walked into the bar, and he got a drink, and she kept on dancin...but he didn't. I don't know what to make of it.

She kissed him goodbye. I didn't like that at all. Not one bit.

I left and ran into...well, someone I've been watchin since the day I arrived. He's a tall man, and somethig about him scares me, and fascinates me at the same time. He has tattoos, lots of 'em, and he has a mate named Laurein or something like that. I talked about her last time I was writin', she's some kind of cat or wolf or something.

She's beautiful and dark, and when I see them together, there's some kind of ...I don't know what...that makes me want to learn whatever it is she knows. I talked to her for a long time a month or so ago, out on the porch. She was ever so friendly, and nice...not scary like she looks when she's swirlin around on the dance floor. It's not a bad scary in a "I gotta run away" kind of way. Its just..well, overwhelming. And thats the thing about her mate, this tall man I ran into last night. I feel like I cannot speak in his presence. I feel just overwhelmed. No human ever has had that impact on me, and I don't know quite what to make of it.

Last night, he spoke to me. He even offered to help me with my work unpackin' boxes. Imagine that, _him_ helpin' me unpackboxes. That just would not be right at all. Later, he asked me to dance with him. I ran straight away. I don't know what it is that has me so unsettled around him, but its undeniable. It's just mighty unsettlin' and I just have to keep backin' away. I don't think he's out to do me no harm, or anything like that. He's just different.

I wish Miss Shaylin was here. She might be able to help me. I do feel like I need help, because when I am around this tall man, whose name I don't like to say, I feel overwhelmed. Like he's a tall glass of water. I don't know any other way to put it.

Well not only did he speak to me, he chased me down when I ran away, and I tried to do him a little damage, as I have been known to do. He was not phased _at all_. He spoke to me, and then his face changed and lights was everywhere. I stepped closer to him, but I meant to step back. I don't know how that was...My mind was saying 'step back..get away', but my feet moved forward and then I was inside the lights. He said some things - things that don't bear repeatin' even in this private book here - but turns out he is actually 'different' to most of the folk around these parts. That explains a lot of why I have such a fear and fascination ....

It's all just mighty unsettlin'.