Goodbye Baby Blue

I wish I could say I woke up in the Wastes with no memory of what had happened. Unfortunately this wasn't the case. I remembered every single moment.

The meeting

It was pretty simply put. Stay and fulfil the obligations that my name "entitled" me to, or leave and cut all ties with my family.

I was given three days to think about the "offer". There was no counteroffer, no compromise, no second chances. I looked at her there in that cage of glass and realized that would be me if I chose to stay. And in twenty years of so, that would be my daughter. And in twenty more, my yet to be even thought of grandchild. And twenty more...well you get the general idea. That is the price of "freedom"? I failed to see where the "free" was in that equation.

The other option, sever all ties with my family had some equally dire..or in some cases maybe worse...consequences. The Shelter's "anonymous donor" would cease to make donations. It was them all along. Neutrino would cease being paid to "watch over" me, and he'd be likely up for some kind of military disciplinary action for letting me escape in the first place. I'd never see my mother again..not that there was much to see this time. There was almost nothing behind her eyes.

There was however enough there for me to see that she would not want me to endure a forced mating, bear a child I would never know, and end up like her - on view for "important people" who had something Blue Sun wanted. For that small "gift", they could see the genetically guided - not altered, but created - female that was just a few generations away from offering them everything their hearts desired in terms of human weaponry. There was enough there for me to see that everything inside her was screaming "Run Sarushka. Run". I head her. That was my name. My real name. Sarushka.

I will always be x0x0 however. I can't go back and change who I became. I can only take control the best I can anyway of who I am and will be. And who I will not be. And I will not be heir to a huge chunk of Blue Sun Enterprises. I will not be a human experiment in progress. I will not be part and parcel of exploiting planets and their inhabitants.

I will not.

They did not take my decision well. Oh there were not any pleas to change my mind. No grand attempts to change the way things were destined to play out. There was simply a very fast trip out to the wastes. The doctor looked straight in my eyes as he began to peel the skin off my hands. "You won't be needing these". He thought I am sure that I wanted him to stop. He was wrong. Nothing gave me more pleasure than to have every last trace of "hands of blue" removed even if it meant the painful removal of my coming of age skin.

When he was finished...and he did not go particularly quickly....he unstrapped me from the chair and shoved me thru into the cargo hold. There I made the acquaintance of one of Blue Sun Enterprises' more gracious members who did offer me a cup of water. How kind, I thought.

"Enjoy your water, x0x0. It is probably the last drink you'll ever have. But just in case you do make it more than a day, you won't be needin' those clothes. Take em off". What was my option there? I could kill him right there, but so far 'd been able to avoid any way for them to file any formal charge against me. So I took off my clothes and covered myself with my cloak.

The ship took a sudden drop to maybe 20 feet above what I recognized as The Wastes. The door opened. I didn't have to think to hard to think what was next. He was going to shoot me and shove me out the door. I closed my eyes thinking "Ok. This is it. I won't fight. I won't bring all hell down on my friends..for where else would I run if I was to just make this all stop...".

It seemed like hours. Days. I'm sure it was only seconds. I heard him speak "You won't be needin this where you're goin" I heard him say. "You'll be gettin a browncoat soon enough - if you survive". With that he shoved me out the door.

Hitting the ground with raw hands, naked and more than a little shaken I found a rock to crawl under. And there I stayed until something very unexpected happened.