Business as Usual

Forget what I said about Commander Nightfire being kind of "cute". He's not. Oh, he has the eyes to stare you down alright, and his hands move over you when you dance with him, like some kind of hypnotic spell caster. You could almost fall for it...except he can't lie. When you ask him where is his drink - the one you never see him without - he has to tell the truth. Business.

I know what that means. Business. It means he's still doing his job even though he doesn't work for them anymore. And, that job is making sure I'm ok. He thinks I don't know how he watches me and steps in when people might threaten me in some way or other. He thinks I don't know that hes making sure things don't get 'out of control' like they did on the ship. He thinks I don't know that if they get out of control, thats the end of the line for me - and probably a promotion for him - and at the same time, he thinks I don't know he chooses to keep me in line rather than be reinstated, and promoted.

And while I understand a lot of things in this world, I don't understand that.

I heard an old friend of mine has been around asking questions. Questions about Lucy. Like, where is she buried. I know they saved some of her DNA - they got all of our DNA at the Academy. I also know she was pretty much their prize prototype "Op". I have to wonder if Svenska is not looking for her body, to make sure she's blown up enough to not come back before they start up another one of her. I wonder who they will use for the human? I wonder if that would have happened to me if I'd stayed on the ship.

This old friend of mine - from one of the outer moons. It makes me smile to think of him. He was always somewhat of an outlaw. I've heard, anyway, he was asking about me as well. He's the kind of guy that rides in on a black horse and carries you away to some castle in the stars. Now, I've never been one for castles or stars, but I like horses. However, I have the distinct feeling that if I ran off with him, I'd never make it back. I mean, maybe I'd never want to make it back. I don't know what I mean.

I know hearing about him has me all mixed up. Hearing about him, and dancing with the Commander last night for such a long time. He said "Are you nervous, x0". He does make me nervous. I'm afraid of what he might say or do. Or not. I'm afraid I might say or do the wrong thing. I'm afraid I'll get him killed, although why I should worry about that I don't know. I could kill him myself. I almost have before, after all.

I think no more dancin with any menfolk for me. Drinkin, shootin, riding fast, sure. Dancin and cuddlin up - thats ok for Amy and Chol, but its not for me. Can you imagine me and anyone acting like Amy and Chol? All the kissing and petting, and loving, and now babytime. I can't imagine it. I wonder if they used to dance before they started all that. Well, I bet they did, so no dancin' for me.

And I think he'd better start calling me Zhangsun, not x0. He's getting too gorram familiar.